photo by Charley
Awake my soul into a dream
A dream of robins’ poetry
Whereon tickly fluff of dandelions rhymes
And in silken crepuscular rays the verses stream
I hear a heartbeat
Dripping warm dewdrops of mead
Into the wind
Into her melodies of angelic sweet
Awake my psyche to reality
Where robins’ song is days-end chant
Upon dandelions’ parachutes ride poets’ hearts
And in woolen shadowy rays our fancies see
A tell-tale heart throbs
Ripping acid moans from deep
Caught in a dream’s wind
Waking to bird song, imagined melody robs
This is my attempt at completing Colin’s amazing poem, “Vernal Flutter.” He submitted this as a challenge half-poem in Jilly’s September Casting Bricks Challenge, and as a poem in dVerse Poets Pub, Meeting the Bar. Tonight Björn is hosting, and he asks us to be metaphorical. For those who can’t keep them straight, a simile is “like” or “as” a metaphor, but a metaphor is, like, not a simile. (or something as that…)
Life in Portofino 
This is wonderful, you two! Collaborative poems are tricky, and frankly, usually frustrating to read because of the sudden shift in voice, but this is so fluid throughout.
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Thank you! I really do try to stay close to the voice, tone… and, hopefully, on the same planet. His challenge was a joy to take up.
So… when are you going to post a challenge? Hmmmm? 🙂
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Firstly, I’m not sure how I feel about your explanation of metaphor / simile, but I laughed out loud! Secondly, I love how well you kept the voice of Colin’s poem and the brilliant echo of it all, the shift from fantasy to reality. Lastly, I must now scrub this from my mind or shall not be able to complete Colin’s poem myself; tainted brain. One more thing – the Poe allusion is poundingly grand!
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Thank you, Jilly! Drink wine and create. The motto of all true artists… and alkies, possibly.
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“Great idea! A bit early, though.” She says, uncorking.
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“Where robins’ song is days-end chant
Upon dandelions’ parachutes ride poets’ hearts”
Love this, Charley. Dandelion as parachute is brilliant.
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Thank you! I had an awesome first half to work with.
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I agree with the lines that De has selected. Your words are fantasies to ride on (if one had wings).
You kept so well to the original voice, that if not told, I would not have known it was a collaboration.
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Thank you! I’ve been kind of lost what with getting back to work and all. I’m happy this has that effect!
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Not sure about those dandelion parachutes, given their tendency to scatter! Thank you for your astute explanation of simile vs. metaphor. I’m seeing my therapist in the morning!
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What you did was magic, Charley. It did depart from where I intended, but not only did the wake to reality cradle the dream but it went deeper into reflection from it. While our two voices are clearly distinctive, the shift nevertheless connects them together into a gestalt. Bravo!
(Would love to see Bjorn’s reaction to that explanation of metaphors! Lol)
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Several people have responded to my tutorial! I’ve used it since high school in some form or another.
Your poem was a wonder to work with. Total enjoyment! I simply mirrored each line and tried to hold my ends together.
How did it work in Bing-Chinese?
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Thank you Charley. You’re awfully kind!
p.s. Bing sings (maybe not so in tune).
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Bing Crosby sang.
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Here are some pennies from heaven — Google’s endeavour to translate your Bing-poem:
Wake my soul to reality
The song of the robin is the end of the song
In the dandelion parachute riding the poet’s heart
In the light of the shadow of the wool, our fantasy saw
A story about the heartbeat
Deeply tearing the moaning of sour
Trapped in the dream of the wind
Wake up the bird’s song, imagine the melody plunder
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Beware the moaning sour!
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Lol
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I think I ate that once in South Korea. Not something I wish to repeat.
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A simile is not a metaphor – great! Made me laugh out loud.
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Colin and Charley, this is great, because the beginning is so idyllic and yet for the poem to go on it must shift as from “And in silken crepuscular rays the verses stream” into “And in woolen shadowy rays our fancies see” not opposites but the move from dreaming to waking. Awesome!
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Thank you! It was really done almost without conscious intent. I copied and pasted his part into a word doc and then wrote the mirror as nearly as I could without using his words.
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Then you subconscious knows what the hell it’s doing!
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Apparently. I have been a reader all my life… heavy stuff and heavier still. My wife refers to me as an intellectual. I think she means it in the best possible way.
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I like your metaphor 🙂 – puns and wordplay is also related. Love the poem collaboration, you have matched the voices so well, and the emotions become clearer with your writing,
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Excellent, seamless collaborating you two!
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I like way your half of the poem echoes the challenge half, Charlie. I particularly love: ‘Upon dandelions’ parachutes ride poets’ hearts’.
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Thank you! The way a young boy looked at dandelion seeds being blown off the puff. It stuck.
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Hugely enjoyable collaboration. This is a Rorschach poem.
Amusing metaphorical introduction too.
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A Rorschach poem! A bit of praise I’ve not encountered yet. I like it! The metaphor thing was just me being me… such as it is.
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Nice second half. I liked how poets’ hearts float on dandelions’ parachutes.
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Thank you! It comes in part from my childhood. The 82nd Airborne blowing out of a dandelion C-130.
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You nailed the collaboration. The parts do look like they were written by the same person, although the parts can also stand well on their own. 🙂
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Thank you! I worked very closely to his original, striving to find my own words and ways among his brilliant pieces. His was a great challenge poem to work with… as was yours.
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Thanks for the kind words, Charley. However, I do agree with you that Colin is a very talented poet. I am also a fan of his writings. 🙂
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“acid moans from deep
Caught in a dream’s wind” – wow!
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Thank you, sir!
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And the whole poem worked beautifully. Seamless between the two of you.
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I wrote slavishly from his half, using other words and a slightly different intent.
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” tickly fluff of dandelions rhymes” and dandelions parachutes…..an absolutely delightful write! You did the metaphorical assignment well, my friend! Enjoyed this one a lot!
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Thank you very much! It was enjoyable to do; he wrote a great starter.
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Pingback: Vernal Flutter – The Pescetarian Poet
Nice to see your response. I think we both mirrored the form quite tightly, and kept the imagery consistent, but ended up in very different places. I see I’m not alone in loving your dandelion parachutes!
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A throwback to my childhood. A dandelion puffball was a C-130 casting out the 82nd Airborne! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m sure poets aren’t the Airborne….
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Though maybe airborne…or air-born…
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